new year resolution-first draft

getting so headache with my work....i really hate it when i have to compile lots of informations into one single report to the management.....it is not just compiling. It includes rectifying previous shits, explaining the shits, and anaylysing the shits. god help me
taking a break from the septic tank, i decided to come out with my first draft of my new year resolution. Few has crossed my mind but no time to think it thoroughly. It may change a bit towards the new year. Here is my first draft.
1)75kg by March 09 :p ....this resolution started in 2000 and i renewed it yearly....something like our New Economic Policy.
2) Brush my teeth at night before going to bed.
3) Apply some skin product every night. (Have to live like a true gay)
4) Wake up at 7am in the morning on working days and leave my house by 730am.
5) Cut down spending
6) Read more books
7) Organize my workplace, i often find it very hard to differenciate important contracts and scrap papers on my table.
8) Clean my messy room on weekends.
9) More masturbation , less sex ... sex is getting boring. i keep getting bad bj ; go in , shoot , out...its too routine. masturbation save time, money, no need preparation and the sensation is as great. Besides, i have a wide selection of porns
10) with reference to point no 9 , maybe i should spice things up. maybe try some SM, use some tools, orgy, more 3 somes, maybe i should even play bottom (sucks)
11) avoid procrastination.
12) make more friends in the gym, i mean real friends.
13) Xue Hua Yu (learn mandarin)
14) OK...this might be the hardest, but by 1st Jan 2009 , i will forgive and forget, all my family/friends/backstabbers for all our misunderstanding. No more grudges, no more vengeance.
Thats what i can come out for now....will update by end of the month before 1st jan!!!

Lust speaks louder than words

2 weeks ago, out from nowhere in the gym, , a late 30s man approached me while i was doing my chest press...." your first time here?" , quite a decent opening line. While i reply, my head start to wonder and analyze...i have been here for the past 1 year, coming 3-4 times a week and you dont notice me??? Oh, thanks to my lipo 6 :p...now at least i have more gym stories to share with my "sisters"

anyways, he intro himself as LK . cant really speak english and i cant really speak chinese....but i speak good body to body language :) . our whole 30 minutes conversation on the machines is a mixture of hokkien, mandarin, english, cantonese and i believe some primitive language came out of nowhere.

my brain took in all these languages and start processing the whole 30 minutes conversation. The following are the interpretation of LK conversation in layman term

1)lets fuck
2) lets fuck
3) lets fuck
4) lets fuck

interpretation of my conversation in layman term

1) sure
2)sure
3) hell yeah
4) wtf, its my first muscular guy, good looking mid age guy , no way i am gonna reject

The stupid thing is we made appointments on that weekend for 'tea' but forgot to take each other numbers down. It is until yesterday when we finally meet up again in the gym. exchanged number and i am meeting him later at 4pm in the midv

this meeting strictly for tea only, as i am leaving kl for penang by 7pm tonite.

continue - emo post

Hmmm...i think i am the fucking emo bitch now...dont ever get me start, coz i never stop until i get my point across..

SC, even you looked like Brad Pitt or have a dick of a horse ...with your current mental issues...do you really think i will even consider you as bf??? i will even think twice before sleeping with you! hello~ , its not about your look or what fucking type i like.....its about how 2 individual connects....learn this. and stop your self pity attitude for god sake!!!! "no one likes me", "my mum is picking side" , "my mum favors my bro" and the emo list goes on and on....

yes....fucking rude statement from this biatch again...so, my bottomline, if you insist on this your virgo mentality thingy.....dont bother talking to me anymore...

Dedicated to a little boy,SC -EMO POST

yesterday nite was rather disturbing...not exactly yesterday, i should say everytime SC chatted with me or sms me. The whole moment will suddenly turned into an emo moment....fucking annoying, yes FUCKING ANNOYING. its doesnt really affect me much but i am rather sadden for not able to help much in giving advise to SC. We have met face to face, chatted for quite some time ..and i had tell him about his negativity, i believe everyone in the world who care enough has told him about it....in the end, the result i get is "i am a virgo, you should know how a virgo think" from an SMS .

Wtf excuse is that? my parents are virgo, some of my close friends are virgo, but i dont see them being pyschotic and paranoid....literrally, SC is blaming his date of birth for the way he think...stupid isnt it?

The more i type, the more annoyed i get thinking about these 22 yo attitude....someone just need to grow up and stop giving excuse on his short fuse....his short fuse and paranoia is not getting him anyway. And he should stop wondering how come he dont have that much friends or complaining why he always have to initiate a conversation instead of others.....STOP COMPLAINING AND WHINING

ISNT IT FUCKING OBVIOUS WHY PPL KEEP AVOIDING YOU??? "I WILL TRY" AND "I KNOW ABOUT MY WEAKNESS" IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH...." I WILL CHANGE" IS WHAT MATTERS LITTLE BOY!

ps...i dont feel sorry for this rude post, it is a wake up call and i have done my part as a new friend....cut me out if you dont like what you are reading and stop sms or chat with me...

Always on your side-Sheryl Crow

This song is sooooooooo beautiful.....first time i heard about it during my bodypump class...love the lyric, love Sting , love Sheryl Crow...been repeating this song the whole morning...here are the lyrics.


My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away Every now and then you come to mind 'Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game But when your name was called, you found a place to hide When you knew that I was always on your side Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent But my demons and my angels reappeared Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be Too afraid to hear the words I'd always feared Leavin' you with only questions all these years But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally This isn't how it's really meant to be No it isn't how it's really meant to be Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear, Try to pull it close and make it stay Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away And I'm left to carry on and wonder why Even through it all, I'm always on your side But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally When this isn't how it's really meant to be No it isn't how it's really meant to be Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear How to pull it close and make it stay Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why Was it you that kept me wandering through this life When you know that I was always on your side

monday blues

it is really FUCKING COLD in the office now.....FUCKING FUCKING COLD..y do the admin ppl decided that the aircond need servicing. Without the servicing, its like i am living in the artic.....now its serviced! sometimes i find these admin annoying in the way i am annoyed with those certain ppl who decided yoga is illegal for muslim practitioner.
business is damn slow these days but i seemed to be busier than ever. Bad economy means business is bad means to avoid the possibilities of retrenchment, you need to up your game....
work is getting less fun, it is me or is it the company??..i keep asking myself that. This company is my 3rd company in my 4 years of working. Its like 1 company per year....and my first managerial position. Sometimes i just think i am good in giving first impressions(during interviews, meet ppl for the first time) ...when it comes to deliver, i kinda give up easily. Managing ppl is not the easiest thing to do...especially managing a bunch of unambitious aunties. No one care to bother, no one care to deliver or impress their boss. Its like they already decided their fate and work just enough to support their expenses. Again, i would ask myself...its the managers fault that he failed to motivate them or its the company's fault to hire these ppl.
then come to the meeting part, where all departments will start bombarding each others and i have to defend my own. I do not have a luxury to lead a team of well spoken, ambitious degree holder. instead what i get is aunties who are only interested to talk about diapers brand, cheapest hypermarket for groceries (even that could come out) . Of coz i blame myself for not having the interest to talk diapers brand.
Take note however, i am not weak. I just refuse to do something that i dont like. like faking to be interested in someone, faking to talk about tesco vs carrefour (aunties topic, even that can come out)
Today, just like every other Monday, i felt like quitting my post. The paycheck doesnt seem that attractive anymore.....maybe i should go for a holiday.
And i hate my boss (who doesnt hate their boss?)

my little secret - part 1

I been sick and tired and lazy with myself for not having a good discipline to actually workout, eat healthily, and control my food intake. long story short....with money you can do a lot of things....

SOOOOO, i bought 1 bottle of Lipo 6, 3 weeks ago....i actually have a drastic weight loss, about 3kg in 3 weeks....my waist reduced by 1.5 inches....my face kinda shrink, lucky my lil bro did not loose any weight.....

Lipo 6 is supposed to increase my metabolism and suppress my appetite....i guess no one can ever separate my from food....my metabolism indeed increased, which i am still getting used to . my heart beats faster, like i am jogging non stop even when i am just sitting in from of my comp....however, IT DID NOT MANAGED TO SUPPRESS MY APPETITE....instead i am taking advantage of the situation by letting lose! i ate more now because i know i am still gonna lose those weight....

so..there goes my little secret why i managed to get more eyes staring at me in the gym locker room compared to last month! :P

Now i know how painful to love someone

It is always easier to give advice to a person and tell the person how ridiculous they are to fall for someone when situation doesnt allow you to do so.... it is so easy to tell someone "you will get over him one day" , "he is not worth your time" or "why love someone who cant love you back" .


While typing this email, i am in so much pain now. I think its just a crush but i cant seem to get over FIS, who i met in an awkward situation last saturday. I was feeling abit lonely without JP on my side last saturday, so i decided to look for some fun thru the net. I managed to arrange a 3some session that night, and i felt so lucky to be able to get the bottom who is exactly my type...small, bald, cute and nice smile. That night is just supposed to be an ordinary fuck (not mentioning its my first time for 3some (2 top, me and JU and the cute bottom FIS ) . The 3some is awkward because i fall into the 'profile picture not matching the real face' trap. The picture given by the other top is OK looking , but when the real person turned up...i went soft.


I was so turned on by FIS that i started sucking his nipple and after all of that foreplaying, i am already inside him. My unforgetable moment is when i was inside him, we looked into each others eyes and the moment is just so intimate. I am finally making love again, not just plain fuck. I cant remember when is the last time i make love. After the fuck, FIS kept asking "can i hug u" , "can i hug you again" and he will give me a tight tight hug.


Monday i was on MC and i chatted with him when whole day and also the whole nite yesterday until i spilled my milk on my keyboard. Today, i tried my best not to chat with FIS...i love JP and i am sure my feeling for FIS is just a crush, a sexual crush, due to that intimate moment.

To SC ,
I think i kind of understand your feelings now....when u tell me u liked me and all that....i tot it is so easy to get over someone until i experienced this with FIS . Anyhow, you are NOT ALLOWED to talk about this with me ..... I mean if you do....i do not want to answer....i will get over these in few days... :)

Hmmm...after typing this article....i am like over FIS....haha..so easy. Told you its just a hormones

our hardest decision

i am currently watching the 3rd season of grey's anatomy , where georgie and family have to decide whether or not to pull the plug for the life support system.....i stopped there right away and my tears cant stop flowing.... at least i knew i am not a robot, as what most ppl claimed me to be.....

i was in that position 3 years ago...when the doctors asked us to decide if we wanted to put him to sleep forever......he was in pain for a few months, so doctor gave him morphine to release the pain....as time past, his need for morphine get higher and higher....until one day....he was like sleeping all the time....it was so saddening that my dad refuse to give up although all his internal organ had been damaged by the cancer cell...(his stomach, lungs, liver, backbone, colon, intestines, basically too much damaged and he is just like a timebomb) . That night, we told my mum while he is high on morphine, he wants to fight for his life, and the best we can tell him is "dont worry, everything will be OK" .

and then, 1 hr later, the doctors came up to us and ask for our decision, whether or not to increase the morphine level, to a point where he will just fall asleep and when he stop fighting to stay alive, his heart will stop.....all of us can take to see his suffering anymore and we decided to put him to sleep.....that night is the worst nite ever in my life,

His heart stop beating 5 hrs after doctor double the morphine level.......i have to stop now...my hands started to tremble...

Shanghai

Touchdown in KL yesterday, from my shanghai trip.....i didnt managed to be fully prepared for this trip because the notice of this trip is given to me about 12hrs prior to my flight. I was having my usual coffee last wednesday morning and all out of the sudden, my boss who is supposed to be going with the CEO asked me to replace him because his wife is on early labor. I was a bit shocked and at the same time, feeling very very happy. My planned trip which is supposed to be end of this month got cancelled, so i am happy that i get a chance to go to shanghai ( which means i gotta meet julian , my customer's gay PA) . So, head back to my house by noon, packed in 1 hr and head str8 to the airport. 1hr packing means that i forgot to bring lots of things....my camera, perfume, lube, condoms .

Reached shanghai early in the morning, head str8 to 4 seasons. I am so suprised that even at 4am in the morning, there is still a lot of people moving around on the street and there is a good number of cars around. Came across lots of cute china man on the way to the hotel. Although i am sleepy, i am so excited to look at china's street guys quality. My driver is cute (bad teeth) , bellboy is cute (bad teeth too) , and the receptionist is very cute too. Gosh....not a bad place to visit.

Was on official business until saturday , when i finally able to be on my own, and thats when i called Julian to spend the friday night on my place, so that he can bring me around on saturday . I am so nervous that he is going to say no but he said yes in a flash. So, after the final drinking session with boobs with my ceo and customer and julian friday night, we all parted ways. Julian asked if i wanted some coffee, and i rejected the idea saying i am tired. (actually, i wasthinking with the alcohol level still high in our body, it will be easier to get him to bed).

We head straight back to my room. In the lift, he stared at me and giving me a naughty look, asking me , whether its 2 single bed or 1 queen size bed. I said 1 queen size bed and he said good. Thats when i get the signal. As soon as we reached my room, i close the door and everything just flows. We had sex. and he is my first china guy.

We woke up the next day about 11am , visit some places and by 5pm, i head straight to the airport. Thats a wrap on my china trip. I didnt get to visit any plu areas but fucking julian is a highlight of my 5 days trip.

Rafael Nadal

I am sad that i missed the final match between the 2 world's greatest player, Rafa and Roger. However, i managed to catch the repeat of the final match in the gym after the steps. I start watching at the final set. I have to say that this is the greatest grand slam/tennis match i ever watched. Both players displayed great and beautiful shots. I swear i almost cum when Roger returned a superb/sharp backhand to Rafa was serving for the match.

Despite his average looks, he is really really fuckable. He is a hungry beast and i can imagine him fucking. He has the nicest, 'rim'mable ass ever. Bubbly. Look at the pics below and judge for yourself. Overall, fine and sexy

Jamie Cullum

Small size, sexy voice....i have seen some of his performance on MTV...he looks like a naughty boy playing a piano; i love it when he stands and play it.

This is one of my favourite album on my way back from work. After a tiring/stressful day, its always nice to spin this CD and relax in the car. Me singing along with Jamie makes me forget about the 30mins traffic jam i have to face daily. Few of the great tracks is :

1)All at Sea

2)What a difference a day made

3)These are the days

Do you just wanna eat him?? :p

Virgins

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Haircut-A Cut Above

had my haircut yesterday at midvalley's A Cut above. Normally i would just go to the cheaper saloon near Bukit Bintang, but after the my shower in the gym yesterday, i cant take it anymore. The length is too short to comb and too long to for my usual spiky style. Sort of in the middle and looked messy. At the same time, going to bodypump 2 days in a row is just stressful and i really need to unwind. First, i thought of going to the Kenko Fish spa for some feet treatment and shoulder massage, and then to haircut but its already late. So, i decided to get a haircut. Cheap saloon normally do not provide hair wash and massage, so i decided to splurge. I had a hairwash and head massage (very very nice) and a hair cut from a senior stylist. I like the cut, professionalism and the environment, and my stylist is great although a bit soft and flirty. This is the most i pay for a haircut, RM70. Normally, i spend about RM15-40 only for my hair, but RM70 at that time is sure worth experience.

La La Queen

I went to La Queen last Saturday after about 3 months off those places. I was so excited that i took about 1hr to dress up , from picking my wardrobe, bathe, putting facial mask, and the list goes on. I am worst than my mum. Jp called his very cute friend, MZ to join us.
When we reached there, we are really really dissapointed with the crowds. I remembered about 3 months ago, the crowd was much more late 20s, well groomed and the people dancing on the stage are mostly hunks with great body. Instead, what we came across is mostly la la in their 20s, skinny and people who dress 20times worst than myself. We also spotted some old and unattractive ang moh scouting for locals.
Dissapointed with the crowd, i sms-ed my ex fuck/friend, NK (3 years ago) and told him about the scene. He replied "You are outdated la, now people all go to Marketplace." Now i know what is marketplace. It is a newly opened restaurant in Jln Yap Kwan Seng which turns into a gay HQ on Saturday night.
One of my admirer in gym (yes he is, totally) , DC asked me out that saturday evening after the step class "Lets go to marketplace tonight" . I said "Marketplace?? Oh, i am not open to the market for now, remember, i am attached now?" . He gives a confused smile and said "OK, let me know if you change your mind" .
Now i understand he is actually asking me to Marketplace the pub instead of "the market (meaning lookin for relationship, sex or something like that) " . Stupid me.

Ya , and another thing really puts me into deeper depression that night. JP's friend MZ, we haven met each other for like 4 months and he said to JP , "Your bf is fatter than the last time i met him" . I faked a smile (damn hard) to MZ and said "I am attached, you know like married man with belly" . And then about 5 minutes later, we said to JP "Haiyo, your bf is really really fat la, look at his belly", poking it. :(((((((

We had a good conversation and good laugh anyways. Will explore marketplace next, maybe 2 weeks later

Wimbledon Open

I am currently watching the QF match between Zheng Jie from China and Nicole Vaisidova from Russia. I am actually shock to see the chinese to make it so far to the wimbledon. Never has any chinese or maybe asian entered the semifinals of a grand slam...as far as i know. She is leading the game now and i really hope she makes it. Show those people that we asians are all rounded. But i must say, Justine Henin's retirement just makes tennis boring. I doubt anyone right now will actually stand a chance to dominate the William sister aka Gorillas. The rest of the players have to play their best to actually beat those gorillas but Justine always dominate them. She is my all time favourite player. So sad to see her leave before the French Open (else , she will be winning her 5th French Open title). I guess this year's winner will be one of the sisters. I hope Zheng Jie will create a suprise win for the Chinese.

Busy Lazy

I have been busy for the past few days, with my gyms, work, and mostly domestic travelling. By the time i got home, i watched few episode of Friends (this is my 3rd time watching friends from season 1, i just find the too funny and i kept laughing ) . Went to bed at 11pm everynight. On top of that, my stupid comp kept restarting and i cant wait to get a new one by next week.
I spend the whole morning since 8am reading about Anwar's sodomy case. In my opinion, it was a total fabrication. Politics is dirty and corrupted. People will just do anything. Its like 'eat or being eaten'. At least, i believe malaysian's politics is evolving. No more domination from a single political party and the opposition has done a very good job putting up a fight and educating the public. Wont comment much (although i can write a whole thesis about this) here, might get myself into trouble here.

I had a great weekend. Will post about it later. (JP is sleeping and complaining about the typing noise so i have to stop now.)

HIV-breast suck

I was doing some readings on the internet about the possibility of contracting the HIV virus thru blowjob, kissing , rimming. I mean i dont use protection when it comes to cock sucking because you would want to taste the cock rather than tasting latex. and came across this from yahoo answer. I just find the way he express it amusing. Btw, based on my research, the possibility is almost zero
==================================================================
Dear dr,

i had a protected sex with a commercial sex worker in dubai last month. The condom I used was latex-made condom. I heard from a friend of mine that a woman when she get aroused (during a sex), a colorless fluid comes out of her breasts. As you know that infected mother could transfer hiv virus to her baby when milking her baby. I have sucked that commercial sex workers breast; does that mean that I have been infected with aids?
================================================================

Bear???????????????

After my weekend in penang, i dare not step up the scale, fearing i will see a huge increase for my weight. In penang, my stomach is always full, once there are any empty space i will fill it up with food. I even finished a whole bar of chocolate (the big one) for the weekend. I ate like 10 bak chang. IN short, i feed like a pig. My pants are tighter so i am sure there is increase.To make up for all the weight gain, I went to gym yesterday in midvalley for bodypump, steps and some weight training. I went the with my lowest self confidence. In the bodypump class, i was standing in front of a bald uncle. He looked a bit masculine but certainly not my cup of tea. From the moment i stepped in, i noticed those pair of eyes staring at me. I doubt it at first but as the class progress, i his stares just get obvious. I am facing the mirror so i can see from the mirror that he is looking at me during the squats. It made me lose my concentration and gave up at the bottomhalf. I do not response to his stares because that would lead him to talk to me and i am not in the mood (and body) for any hookups. Thats always the case if you response to those type of stares. When the class end, he come to me and asked me "Are you new to cali midvalley" ,"never seen you here before" . I response by telling him , i originally from fitness first and i usually go to cali in standard chart bldg. We chatted a while while waiting for the step class to start. Thank god finally nic came in and i tell him i have to go. I am stump at his next line. He smile and said
"You are a really cute bear, you know" "you want to go out for a drink later?"

Wait uncle, didnt anything in my face spell out GAY???? What if i am straight?? i will just land a punch on your face. Am i suppose to take that as compliment???!!!!! Bear????????????? I am so not into the 'bear' type and this uncle go and tell me i am a cute bear. I am so insulted. I just gained weight over the weekend and feeling a little depressed, here you go calling me a bear. I told him i have plans and just said "maybe somewhere next week" . I said a quick bye and ran into the step class. He watched a while from outside and then dissapear.
I am going for yoga and fly wheel tonite. Hope not the meet this uncle again.

Crazy thoughts

Friday and Saturday is always the best days in a week. On Friday, all i can do is to do the hourly countdown until 530pm and then its fun fun fun until sunday morning. And the countdown for Monday started. The day has been great so far. Had pan mee for lunch. The highlight until right now at 1220pm is that i bump into a very very cute guy in the lift. I am working in level 12 and he get down on level 11. All i can think of from the G floor to 11th floor is how can i get a taste of this candy. I just let my mind wonder and these are the silly thoughts i had while in the lift.
1) i wish i can turn him into a bubblegum and then put him in my mouth, suck and chew until its tasteless
2) turn into a lice and crawl up his dick (fuck, its so downgrading)
3) turn into angelina jolie and seduce him....
Its crazy, but i have not been having sex for a week. I guess my dick must have been boring and sending me a signal.

Penang

Yes! I am going back to penang tonight. Mum's cooking is waiting for me tonight. Its hard to stay focus and discipline on my weight loss plan (do i have a plan??) at home in PENANG!!!. I will be taking the 9pm bus tonight and will be reaching pg at about 2am tomorrow. JP as usual trying to win my mum's heart bought her some hair accesories from Evita Peroni. Its shocking something that small can cost rm200. gonna get some free facial and face massage from my mum (she is a beautician).My plan for Saturday will be1)wake up as late as possible2) visit my late father, put some flower for father's day3) Down these as much as possible :Laksa, char koey teow, mums cooking, steamboat, duck egg char koey teow, rojak,cendol, duck rice 4) induce myself to vomit all items in no 2 :p 5) shoppings (gonna have a wardrobe makeover- gonna get something gay-er :p, maybe some colorful stripes tight singlet and that ugly bags that those daisies always carry )6)facials7)sleep
On my way back on sunday, i am gonna stop by probably in ipoh for the nga choy kai or in kampar for the min pau kai. Most probably i am gonna gain 2kg from this trip

Damn, i missed it

A very interesting news today.
============================================================
Kiosk owner unamused by fuel giveaway

KAPAR: When a petrol kiosk owner stepped out to run some errands, his newly hired pump attendant started giving out free petrol.
The owner was alerted about an unusually long line of cars at his kiosk, and he rushed back to discover he had lost about RM3,000 worth of petrol.
According to another kiosk worker, the man in his 30s had asked for a job and was employed at RM12 per day. “Yesterday was his third day. Being confident he could do the job, the owner left to pay some bills. Within the hour-and-a-half the owner was away, the man gave out free petrol,” the other worker said.
Word of the free petrol spread and people took the opportunity to fill up their tanks.
The man ran off when he saw his employer return. It was later found out that he was mentally unsound.
No police report was lodged.

============================================================

Confrontation

Everyone has an child inside them. Today, mine chooses to take action subconciously at a certainly wrong time. seriously today i am shock to see how defensive i am if i am challenge. I know that in an ideal situation, i must remain calm, take a deep breath, listen to the opinion and then react in a professional manner. I totally embaress myself today. Fuck! I am new in this company and as a manager, i am entrusted with a lot of things...one of it of coz is the entertainment. From what i observed, management seems to 'pamper' me and have a good perception on me. This at the same time, raises some eyebrows and also i can see my colleagues talking to me less and less. I cant blame them as my automatic reaction due to the pamper is to be a lil bit cocky. Which bring me to the situation in the meeting today. I was presenting my studies on a project and halfway through it, a junior executive (3 years in the company) raises his hand and start bombarding me with question. It is so negative rather than constructive to a point where i got very annoyed. My face turned red and i automatically raises my voice. I notice everyone is getting uncomfortable so i pretended to smile and laugh and said "OK, point taken" . Fucking embaressing moment so far in this new company and certainly not doing me any good, because i will now be labelled as emotional, cocky and mr know it all. I gotta do some damage control, however i am not letting this junior executive to get away with all his "we cant this and we cant that" .
OK, moments over.

Personality Test

I find this test interesting as this is the first one that tells me how gay i am...I scored 76 for femininity and 40 for masculinity. Damn, i am so not creative from due to my low imaginative and aesthetic figure . Lowconfidence. I kind of agree on the confidence thing because the confidence that i project to people are usually fake. I have high score for agency...dont know what the hell is it.

Gym tracks

I have just downloaded the Pussycat dolls-Button (remix by Dave Aude). It is the best remix so far on Buttons. I get to know this song from Arjiette's step in Cali on Thursday. Its highly energetic. I am not a techno/disco/'whatever genre you call it' song listener. But eversince i joined the gym 3 years back, i started putting those songs in my ipod and that is what boost me up everyday.

Here are some of my fave tracks :
1) I go crazy (techno) - DHT - Bodypump
2) Rise - Safri Duo
3) Destination Unknown- Alex gaudino - gym area
4) Buttons (Dave Aude remix) - Pussycat Dolls - Arjiette's steps
5) Biology (remix) - Girls aloud - Arjiette
6) Unfaithful (Tony Moran mix) - Piranna .ops..its Rihanna - Nicholas step
7) Do i make you proud (remix) - Taylor Hicks- Nor's step
8) Pray- Tina Cousin - Nic's
9) Sorry - Madonna - Nor's ,Arjiette

Nor has a lot of great energetic tracks but i do not know the title.

Boobies hangover

Yes i am back to my lovely country,yesterday. I still hate the government. Down 2 packet of nasi lemak this morning...been craving for it since yesterday night.
Overall, i cant deal with boobs anymore.I am still recovering from boob hangover. For the meantime, i shall stop buying char siew pau for breakfast, instead i will opt for sausage roll and half boiled eggs. I mean the whole trip wasnt about boobs but my counterpart thinking i am straight, wanted to make me happy, so he assumed my ideal entertainment involved having ass rubbing at my crotch and boobs on my face. But seriously, if i am straight, this will be one of the most wonderful business trip i have ever been.
I have been faking it since i am young and only came out to my family and close friends about 2 years ago. I used to fake it so well that my friends started to call me pimp. I lose some of the touch after JP and AT came into my life, my bf and my used to be close gay friend. I am glad that during this trip, i have sharpen back my pimping skill. 4 of us (myself, my collegue, mr tom and mr yam) entered the high class bar, sounds something like Sukhumwit Legs and is ushered into the private lounge. We chatted for 5 minutes and then 8 chicks with swimsuit came it. The mamasan with bad teeth came and sit on my lap, peck me on my forehead and said to me " You like my babies? " "They very sad, buy them drinks and they happy" . She has just placed a krytonite right on my face. To get rid of her from my lap and get the attentions of me, i pulled the most innocent looking chick and get her to sit next to me. I look at the mamasan with my fake happy smile and said " I buy her drinks" . Mamasan proceed to other colleagues.
The reason i picked the innocent looking chick is to protect her from others as i wont be groping her here and there, but i am so wrong. She is a slut! She went on to lick my ears and neck. and wanted to french kiss me. Sensing the danger, i pinched her ass and smile. She shouted and all of them laughed. We started karaoke and i asked her to sit next to me. I did not entertain her at all despite all her moves so she exited the room after a short while, to look for other business i guess. My colleague, EW, a fresh grad at 24 had the best time of his life, i can tell from his face.
I am getting tired of all these. I am not sure how long i can take all these. I am schedule to go to shanghai somewhere next month. I doubt it will be a boobie trip. I hope to have Julian show me around in Shanghai and i will 'reward' him accordingly ..hehe
My boss just walk pass me cubicle and he farted. What the hell!

Bangcock- i wish

Just came back from a so-so breakfast. Staying in Grand Hyatt, i thought the breakfast can be at least good but it is quite dissapointing. First thing in the morning, down a can of V8 juice , which actually taste like the sauce in the sardine can. Read it somewhere where they said it can help recovering from hangover. Went to the bed supper club yesterday with Mr Tom Yam (thai counterpart) . Nice design , nice music , nice crowd.....then proceed to another smaller club...cant recall the name as the alcohol in the first is limiting my brain functions. All i can remember in the smaller club is boobs,ass and laughter. I remembered having a thai babe with weird english sitting on my lap (crotch area to be exact), rubbing her ass against my crotch, asking me to buy her drinks and see whether i want to bring her home or not. It seems like i am getting better in handling the entertainment the straight way. After all that, was initially plan to strip naked to my gay self and head to dj station but just too tired. I went back to my room alone at 2am.
Will have all the time on my own today until dinnertime later.

Shake Ya Body~~

One more post before i head to the airport. I been noticing this about myself every morning on my way to work. I actually sing in the car! Knowing i have a bad voice and at the same time, i am shy, i been singing and moving to the music on my way to work every morning. I dont care anymore what other drivers think of me when they see this crazy fella dancing and singing in the seat. Is it a sign that my inner bitch is really surfacing after i start working here (lots of entertainment involved) ?? Hmmmm

Julian

I am really suprised to get Julian's call this morning, his english is so cute, and he called me Sir :p. Usually i speak directly with his boss, Mr Chinaman but he is in a meeting and he need some urgent details. JP and i had sex yesterday at about 1130pm (should have just wait for tonight), my usual sleeping time during weekdays. It was quite intense we finished about 1am. After cleaning up, this and that, i go to bed at130am. I am feeling really sleepy now. I just felt energize from the whole conversation with Julian this morning.After confirming some official details for his boss, he proceed to ask me when i will be going to China. The catch is, he even ask me some personal question like "Am i married", or do i have a gf , who do i stay with. I in turn asking him back the same question, even offering him to stay with me during my 3 days trip to china. He just said "Sure" , without any hesistation :D . I guesses we kinda sense each other during the other night when he is in kl with his boss. Halfway thru the conversation only i realize i am getting so excited and i speak so loudly that my colleague is listening and looked at me. I hope they do not know that the person on the other line is Julian because that would raise so gossips in the office. Anyway, i am certainly looking forward for my trip to china and hope to try out China 'cuisine' . Will be flying to BKK later. Cant wait!

Bangkok

I will be heading to BKK for business trip this Friday. Hope to fully utilise my time there to discover more ga hangout places. I been there twice so far, once with my straight friends which is purely waste of time (all i can remember boobies and booze) and another one with my AT, JP and RN(my fag hag, i miss her dearly!) .Lots of memories there during my 2nd time. We went there last year during Songkran and it was crazy. BKK is literally gay central. I am suprised to see lots of malaysian and singaporeans there. Lots of familiar faces; strangers i met gym, strangers i met clubs, ex fucks, etc.We were there for 3 days 2 nights. Its my first time coming during Songkran and i am really unprepared. I brought 2 pairs of jeans, 3 underwears, pyjamas , some t-shirt, 1 pair of shoe and 3 socks. I ran out of pants after the first day! Had to shop for some cheap shorts, apparently, they are cheap and thin enough that my bulge (with definition) is clearly visible when i am wet. Managed to attract some stares in silom area. We plan to go to dj station on night one and night 2 but outside is so much fun. We joined the crowns to spray waters (even cold water) to everyone. We are so wet, crazy and tired for dj station. Woke up late on the 2 day, we plan to go to Babylon and Chakran but guess what, my RN got doesnt want to be left alone. She start making faces, so we decided to cancel the whole plan and just go for a massage. No babylon no chakran means no touch touch /sex. We went to a gay massage parlour....once there, i spotted this very cute and tall thai. I go str8 to the counter and request for his service. Although no intercourse, it was still a nice body to body massage as i can feel his smooth skin all over me and i was hard all the time. His is cut..which is suprising for a thai. I take the opportunity to play a lil bit with his cock. He offered a happy ending with an extra 1000baht but i decline reluctantly. Overall, a very nice massage.
This time around in bkk, i am still not sure whats my plan as i will be going over with another colleague of mine.

Tua Pui Kia (fat boy)

Just came back from lunch....i screw up my diet plan again today....i am sick of the food nearby my office so decided to drive to The Curve to have my lunch. Finally i tried the waroeng penyet. I love indonesian food so decided to screw the diet and ordered 1 chicken rice and a gado gado...both dissapointing.....at the same time, IKEA is just a bridge away and i love the karipap, so decided to further screw it up by eating one karipap. I told myself thats it and i started walking back to the car and i came across Cupcakes Chic. I knew the fancy cupcakes is rather new in malaysia (i only noticed the craze few months ago) and i love cakes, AND there is not fancy cupcakes nearby where i am staying...so, since i screwed up all the plan today...one more cupcake wont make much of a difference....i bought the vanilla frosting cupcake and it is worth screwing up the diet today. The cupcake is awesome....

My dinner tonight will be only quacker oat..JP has promised to keep me under control tonight in pasar malam...

Facebook

Finally created my facebook account and fuck...its kind of addictive....i spend the whole morning browsing people profile. ...the whole morning..most of the time i can say, is spend trying to find out whether some friend of mine is gay or not. They are obviously gay but have not open up to me although i have gave them indication that "You are not alone". I busted 2 of them :p....the fact that they have too many pretty boys and muscle mary's profile certainly makes them gay.

Hottest Jason

I gave up on any guys named Jason for a long time. I never came across a good looking Jason before. This is how i describe the 3 Jason i known. I dont mean to be funny or mean but i actually picture them as these in my mind

Jason NCG- Mushroom face, button mushroom to be exact

Jason T - Pork Chop

Jason something - Pork Chop Combo

Jason Voorhess - Freak!

Finally, i came across the best looking Jason . Anyone noticed how cute and sexy Jason Lai is???.( i heard he is not gay :((( ) He is the instructor for steps, hi low and aerobic for few fitness centre. Damn, i always thought that any guys associated with advanced steps is certainly gay. Aside from his good looks and his super sexy voice, his steps is hot. I love it when he does it with his hand up in the air. He has a sexy armpit and arm. Too bad he is not teaching advance or intermediate steps in California. Usually, he usually appear to replace any other steps instructor if they cant make it.

Blogging

Hi there, have you not heard that most bloggers are all a bunch of lonely people. Some gave up on relationships (friends, spouses, companion), some just want attention, some of them just dont have someone to listen to. I am all of the above. Putting JP aside, i am actually quite lonely in person. I keep a lot to myself a lot recently. Wow, i actually sounded like a serial rapist in the making.

See, lots of my straight friends cut ties with me after knowing i am gay, which actually hurts a lot because i knew them for years and we used to do lots of things together. AT which is the only gay friend i trust, kind of betrayed me by kicking me out of my own closet. (please read the previous post for more detail). I have lots of Hi-Bye friends in the gym which i am not interested to hangout with (i cant stand their 'fabolous'ness) . Which leaves me with only JP and my family.

How can i tell JP that i am actually attracted to Julian (Mr ChinaMan Secretary) or that i end up getting a blowjob in Cititel. I just need a place to vent. When i came across Sgboy's blog by accident, which is a very interesting blog. All he did is just let it all out in his post. I think to myself, i can do the same too. If i am so excited to share/vent , just do it online. Just imagine letting it all out to everyone randomly, except that, i do not need to reveal who am I.

So, anonymous, if you reading this, here is the elaborated version of my reply on your comment.

Plateau

Dear Body Fat,

Fuck you!!!!Fuck You!!Fuck off!!! Clingy bastards!

Leave me alone.

Yours sincerely,
Fattybum
===============================================================
Yes, Yes, thats my inner voice.
I am still depressed now after taking my total body analysis in the gym just now. I wasnt expecting the results. Its like getting HIV positive result. The results shows an increase of 0.2kg in my fat and everything remains the same. For once, i am fucking consistence.

I been struggling to lose another 8kg by cutting down on my food, exercise 4 times weekly and using my supposedly secret weapon (the Hydroxycut). When i cut down total on rice and meat, my muscle mass will drop. These extra pounds is really bothering me as i do not get that much attention in California Fitness(bodyfat 23%) compared to my time in fitnessfirst (bodyfat 10%).

Plan this week: :Lose 2kg
Breakfast: Roti Canai Flavoured Oats
Lunch :Nasi Lemak Flavoured Oats
Dinner: KFC Flavoured Oats

How nice if i can have those options. Anyways, time to get more serious. Will be attending gym tomorrow, pumping some irons. Anyone reading this, do share your wise experience on losing weight to me.

Entertaining Chinaman Part 2

Its been a while. I am just not in the mood of writing. The memories with the chinamen last week is still fresh in my mind. My wish to have an fugly customer came true. However, god had to play a cruel trick on me by sending his super twinky, smooth and slim secretary, Julian along with him.He is one the cutest guy i have ever seen. At first glance i knew Julian is gay. When my boss jokingly asked him why his secretary is a guy, Mr Chinaman mentioned that his wife (who is also his HR director) is afraid he is having affair with his secretary. Hence, she hired a guy secretary for him. The whole night in Bintang Palace, i have to force take my eyes off him to avoid any suspicion. Every once is a while, (actually once every 10 secs), i peek at him and then pretended continuing chatting with Mr Chinaman. What a distraction! ONce i am high, all i can think off is if he heads to the toilet, i will just follow him and fuck in the toilet.Since they are one of our biggest customer in China and i will be handling their account in the future, i cant take any action towards Julian as much as i wanted to. Besides, i am attached :D. After drinking, we head to Cititel(what else?) for some happy ending. Mr Chinaman picked the malay girl(dark, slim and cute), my boss picked a vietnamese(damn hot lady). When it comes to my turn, guess what???? I picked a vietnamese babe as well. I just have to release the sexual tension in me towards Julian. I went into the room, changed to my towel. Lan(her name), she came in and the first thing she does is taking off my towel and play with my dick. I froze. She then proceed to kiss me on my lips. I was feeling really uncomfortable at the moment and i didnt response much to the kiss. She proceed to lick my whole body from my ears, to nipples, abs, balls and lastly my feet. That is AWESOME. That really got me high but i wasnt really responsive (i am drunk and gay). She must have think of me as a virgin as i just lie down and moan :p . Since pussy to me is yucky and slimy, i decided not to fuck her, instead asking her just for a handjob and a really good blowjob. She is great and she is deepthroating me. (if she can deepthroat me, she must be good, you know what i mean :p). I came after about 15 mins.The whole night is certainly a good+weird experience for me. I am still not giving up on Julian as i will be heading to Shanghai next month again to meet up with them. maybe next time.

4hrs to 'save' the nation

I am so pissed right now that i dont feel like writing anything now. My stories of the China Man will postpone until the sun comes out. I drove this morning to work, thinking how am i supposed to replan all my monthly budget due to the fuel price hike. The timing for this bomb to drop is definitely bad. Since mynew workplace is in damansara, it need to drive about 40km daily to and fro. From allocating rm200 per month for petrol, now it will cost me RM300. I have to reduce some other areas by 100. I have no choice but to cut down on my entertainment. Fuck i hate the government.
After reading few blogs this morning, it is haphazard decision hastily decided by a low calibre PM cabinet. On TV3 PM prided that the cabinet took 4 long hours to deliberate on the issue! Only 4 hours of deliberation for such an important issue? An important decision of this nature which has a rippling effect on the whole nation show be studied by a competent team of economist, academicians and thinkers for months - not by shallow thinking cabinet ministers in 4 hours!

Fuck fuck fuck Day

Today, the rain, irresponsible motorist and the petrol price hike fucking ruin my day. Due to the rain, there is flash flood everyfuckingwhere, causing jam everyfuckingwhere. Because of that, i missed my step class at Standard Charted. Had to settle for body combat afterthat. After gym, JP asked me to fetch him in The Gardens and there is fucking jam in the federal highway. And the most fucking thing is, the fucking jam is caused by motorist queuing to refill petrol because the price hike at midnight. I just reach my house now. To make things worse, JP bought my favourite maggi goreng and its 1130pm now. I had skipped my dinner and workout in the gym. I thought the plan is working fine, but the maggi goreng is just irresistable. I ate half and pass the remaining to him....The only highlight today is the fact that i met with JP's ex hunky bf in the gym. Really cute and masculine. His sideburn and clean face is just wow. We exchange look a few times. Its just weird if we happen to get attracted to each other.

HI

JUST GOT BACK FROM A VERY VERY LONG NIGHT. DIZZY, SHOCKED, WEIRD, TRAUMA, ALMOST LOSE VIRIGINITY TO VAGINA,SORRY FOR THE CAPS.TOO TIRED TO CHANGE

Entertaining China Men part 1

tonight i am going out for my first entertainment in my new company, WS.WS deals a lot with china, taiwan and indonesian. I expect this day will come since entertaining customer will be part of my job in the sales line. I was even asked during my interview whether am i comfortable to entertain china man.(I have no problem sleeping with the good looking ones). China man entertainment as describes by one of my collegues, drink till you drop. Some even prefer spas and massages, where they usually insist on you to join them in the fun. I dont mind the massage but if they asked me to join them (especially when i am drunk) on the 3some or group sex, i am afraid i might grab the wrong thing. I am so fucking nervous now. I cant act and be drunk at the same time. I start talking craps when i am high...Since its my first time meeting those guys, i hope they are a bunch of old,big belly, ugly and smelly bunch of guys. It will at least do me good when my subconcious took over.

Lose some , gain some

Today , its just occurred to me that i am running out of true friends. My interpretation of true friends in simple...someone you trust your life on and someone u can always count on and vice versa. I always thought AT is my true friend (we even auditioned for amazing race asia together as best friends). I found out that i cant trust him anymore when he went and tell some of my straight friends about me being gay. He said he is doing me a favor because they already suspected it anyway and at the same time, so that i wont need to pretend when i am with them. The fact is some of my straight friends (5 males to be exact) are homo hating bastard (i just don't know why, its not even their business) . So, about 5 of my friends who is used to hang out with no longer contact me and just being indifferent when i met them face to face. Even one of them have the fucking guts to tell me on my face, "You are disgusting, and thats it for us". I know this is coming as back in the university, we are the macho macho guy...you know games, drinking, clubbing, flirting. And we constantly talking trash and make fun on gay people. I usually indirectly defended the gays by saying the 'its their life and their choices' type of speech.
Ya, my females friends on the other hands are very understanding and able to solve the mysteries why i am still not dating a girl despite my good looks (hehe). They are so excited when i told them i am dating JP for almost 2 years already. Although i lose some friends who i thought will be my friends for life, i get to know lots of other friends who are accepting me for who i am. Life right now is not to bad after all. Right now, instead of joining my straight friends for clubbing on saturday night, i am now joining my 'sisters' on the ladies nights! A good time to cruise for hot straight guys!

Salvatore Fara%@#^&#@*^

I sometimes wonder...i am straight??Yesterday, JP and I went shopping for clothes for my stepfather. My mum got married to this millionaire few months ago. Yes, i wish i am that lucky to be driving a BMW and staying in a penthouse in KL , BUT I AM NOT. I wish i can just tell him " I am the one approving you to married my hot mum , i should at least get something out it this" . OK, so my mum asked me to shop for the branded shirt, budget min RM500 a piece. (WUTTT!!!!). So, i went to Pavillion into Salvatore Fara...something something and i call her. "Mum, what design to buy, we have bla bla bla" , and then she cuts me and said "Ask JP here, you have not fashion sense " Which is true, i cant even spell Salvatore fara&^#*#$. and JP never wants to bring me to all the fashion shows/events because i have nothing "fabolous" to wear.

I heard their conversation, JP mentioned something about the 4 seasons, "spring summer autumn winter" and then "earth tone" , "classic" and "mauve" . First of all, what the hell is those 4 seasons gonna play a role in choosing a shirt for my stepfather. and then what the hell is mauve. JP involves a lot in fashion so those funny terms usually comes out. Hello, ASEAN countries are located near the equator and we are exposed to sun and rain year long. There is only 2 season, dry season and the rainy season. :p .

After cruising Canali, ralph lauren, Eme^#$$@ (something like Emeredildo) Zegna and some other names that i dont bother to remember, We ended up in Blueberry :) , its Burberry and purchase an expensive 'uncle'-ish shirt, which is approved by my mum (she view it on 3G) . If its up to me, i will just head straight to Zara and get him a discounted piece.

After that, we head out to have a drink with JP's self proclaimed "fabolous" friends (as if) , and the whole night they spend talking about the 4 seasons. 'That's all' (Miranda Priestly in the devil wears prada)

Underwear

I bought 2 new pairs of underwear last Monday. These 2 new undies are the best undies i wear so far in my life. Its is so damn comfortable, its absorbs sweats very well and it will not get tighten when its wet with sweat. For ppl like me who sweats a lot (take a microscope and probe my skin, i swear you will see lots of running water tap) like me, i used to have the skin rash due to the underwear lining rubbing against your skin whenever i walk a long distance sweating, and its very painful. So, i purchased these pairs based on the design and color. I wore it for the first time today and by lunch time i got so excited i call JP, my bf to tell him about it. Its crazy i know but its like wearing feathers and cottons. He asked me to check the material and it turned out to be 50% cotton, 45%modal, 5% spandex. What the fuck is modal and spandex?. I was just gigling to myself imagining that during my next purchase , i will be asking the promoter " Do you have underwear which is made of 50% cotton, 45%modal, 5% spandex " :P

Body bum

Body pump.....i used to love it back when i was a fat pig. I used to weigh 92kg. Body pump, body combat and steps is the reason i lose 16kg for the past 1 year. I now weight 84kg, 8kg up since 8 months ago of work stress in my telesales. The thing about me is, if i am in a bad mood or tired or depressed, i will eat. thats where i find comfort. I don't do weights or job when i am sad. (who does that anyway? ) . So, now i am determined to get back my hot body to double or triple the amount of stares i get, mostly in the gym and clubs.
So, i get myself a personal trainer which, i asked him specifically to torture me without mercy (i really regret that statement). And as usual, i continue my class, steps (not bodystep..i hate bodystep). After about 1 year skipping bodypump, finally i step into the class last week in california fitness. 2 guys were heading the class and i decided to torture myself. the weight that i carried is the same as the instructors. Imagine carrying 20kg for squats. It felts like forever and the bottomhalf, i swear i cant felt my legs after that. Everything is torturing and pain until the lunges tracks. First of all, the track is amazing. Its called "I go crazy(remix)" by DHT. Halfway thru the track, towards the end, we all will be doing the power lunges (to those who used to attend, you guys will know what i mean). OMG, the sight of 2 male muscular insructor doing power lunges is just so HOT. Its so energetic and u can see their thigh muscle . Its just arousing. I can masturbate and ejaculate watching a clip of this. The new release is coming out end of this week.Cant wait to listen to the new tracks.

Cocoon- Bjork

I just want the world or the reader of my blog (if any) to know that Bjork is such a wonderful, great and expressive singing talent. With my tonnes of free time in my new job, i decided to understand more about Bjork and also what she normally sings about. I google her lyrics, watched her clips in youtube and joined her fanclub. One song that really amazed me and also connects with me is Cocoon. "Cocoon" was the third and final single from singer Björk's album Vespertine. It was written by Björk and Thomas Knak, and mixed by Mark "Spike" Stent. The song is a low-key musing about a girl basking in the glow of a romance that has taken her by surprise, and includes some remarkably sexually explicit situations described in euphemism and metaphor. You guys should watch it in youtube. The music video was nearly as controversial as the previous one for "Pagan Poetry". The "Cocoon" video was directed by Eiko Ishioka. It shows an apparently naked Björk (actually wearing a very close fitting body suit) with red thread coming out of her nipples and eventually developing a cocoon around her. Was banned from MTV. The single peaked at number 35 in the UK Singles Chart. Cocoon's lyric is just so sexy and explicit, the first time i heard her singing it, i got a hard on. Here is the lyric. To add on to my orgasm is her expressive high pitch voice singing these lyrics. Its beautiful . Go watch the vids.

BJORK- COCOON

Who would have known
That a boy like him
Would have entered me lightly
Restoring my blisses

Who would have known
That a boy like him
After sharing my core
Would stay going nowhere

Who would have known
A beauty this immense
Who would have known
A saintly trance
Who would have known
Miraculous breath
To inhale a beard
Loaded with courage

Who would have known
That a boy like him
Possessed of magicalSensitivity
Who would approach a girl like me
Who caresses cradles his head
In her bosom

He slides inside
Half awake, half asleep
We faint backInto sleephood
When I wake upThe second time
In his arms
Gorgeousness
He's still inside me

Who would have known
Who ahhh
Who would have known

A train of pearls
Cabin by cabin
Is shot precisely
Across an ocean
From a mouth
From a
From the mouth
Of a girl like me
To a boy (3x)

continued - my first in KL

i just noticed that parts of my post in the 'my first in kl' is not posted. Here is the rest.
===========================================================
what happened next is really an eye opener or should i say mouth opener. This is certainly the first time i encounter with a lip sucker. All he did is suck my lower lips repeatedly like sucking a nipple for milk. I wonder if he loves to have sex with a sulk. After like 5 mins of kissing, i felt like my lower lips has swell double its size and i look like i am sulking. (which i am internally) . After that, i proceed to take his cocktail sausage in my mouth (its quite small). Both sausage and the balls fit into my mouth. When it comes to fucking, he told me he is still a virgin and asked me to be gentle. As gentle as i be, i cant seems to penetrate. Its like tyring to drill a hole into a concrete wall using my dick. But they said, never give up and victory is only for those who persevere. Yes, i made it. Its tight and warm and to make it better, he is moaning. Well, this victory doesnt last long as he decided to stop it after only like 4-5 strokes. He cant take it anymore, its too painful. I have to agree coz we didnt use any lubricant :PPPPP. So, he compensate by asking me to fuck hisface. I came after 20 mins and he swallowed all of it . I am so tired i just sleep naked next to him without cleaning up. He cleans me up and proceed to sleep next to me. The next day at 7am, to my suprise, i am woken up by an intense bj. I came and he came and i sent him home. Thats the last time i am going to meet him again. So long lip sucker!

telesales ...zzzz..*yawn~~~

ok...its my 9th working day in my office and i already got my paycheck...its just so funny when the amount i received is just a little less than my average salary in my previous telesales company. I dun know until now why i can actually stayed there for 8 months. But i have to admit, in the last 8 month i spend there...i've learned so much about myself. The story is ...i was an executive in a giant oil and gas company in msia . I have to be politically correct now to avoid stepping on any toes. I am not fond of the culture there. They overemployed staff. I know its generous but thats just like giving away free money to undeserving ppl. (for the records, i am thedeserving one) . Cut story short, i left after 2.5 years to pursue what i really like, fashion. Lol, just kidding. I cant even dress well myself. I want to pursue IT consultation because thats always been my interest. However, due to my engineering background, i was rejected left and right. Desperately seeking for a job, i thought to myself, y not sales? money is unlimited. So, applied for the telesales, got the job.

My 8 months in the telesales is like a bootcamp. I joined with tonnes of energy to earn money and i already start dreaming of spending it here and there. My god...in my life, i never experience this kind of environment. Its tense, you HAVE to be on the phone from 8-5. And my boss is a fucking controller/dictator/fucker. You know since i quit the oil company to look for more challenges, i see this as challenge 10x. We have targets to set and achieve and if you dun, you have to answer his questions which apparently has only one answer-Its you!!! You are an idiot. I stay coz i never had someone who actually patronize me and expect the best from me. Yup, so , in this period, i managed to learned a lot in terms of disciplines (if there is such subject, i will fail miserably), selling and most of all, pretending. For the records, i managed to get top sales for few weeks, so my point is i am a talented person!!! :p
Its just so funny thinking back. Since we are expected to pick up the phone at 830am sharp, at times where i dun feel like pitching in the morning. Few of my award winning conversations are, in a dialog format:

Me: Hi, good morning mr xxxx . This is XXXX calling from XXXX with regards to XXXXXXX.
XX: Yes, but i already spoke to you yesterday saying i am not interested.
Me: You are interested??? Thats great!! (i said it aloud to show off to my boss)
XX: No , i am not interested at all.
ME: Whats your email then? i will proceed to sent u the details.
XX: (Hangs up)
Me: IC...its xxxx@cxxxx.com . OK, will sent it to you right away and i will call u back tomorrow. Thanks for your time. BYE.

Sometimes, to avoid calling and have someone picks up...what i normally do is to call the Europe's number in the morning. Of coz no one will pick up...I will do this for 1 hr until my mood is back.

After 8 months, i felt that enough is enough...i have more talents and potential to be used elsewhere than just sitting on the phone and being patronize by Hitler. I am going to do well here in my new company. I can feel it already!

My first in KL

Shit...this is not supposed to be a sex blog. I usually write what's on my mind, interesting stuff happening to me. Well, but at this moment, sitting in my cubicle on a saturday morning, all i can think of is my past sex experience.

When i moved to KL after my studies 3 years ago, i rented a house along with my straight friends from my uni. So, on weekends we go clubbing, met girls , futsal, do all the guys things until i get sick of pretending. I had to pretend to show interest to girls, stage a ONS with a girl i met in a bar. ( i left the bar with her but i send her right back to her house, telling her i am not feeling well) . Its called peer pressure, you know when ur friends been getting ONS, you have to as well so that you wont be perceive as NOT MACHO or gay. I am just thinking, when do i get to do my girl thing. Ops, i mean gay thing. :p

I decided to move as i cant live this lie. Long story shot, i came across this cute, boyish guy online and its been 5 years since i had sex. Its a long story why. Anyways, we agreed to meet so he drove to my new place. We chatted for 1 hr, and we proceed to the bed. What happened next is label

Foot Fetish!

I am now sitting in my office, as part of alternate saturday half day working, just cant wait until 12pm before i head straight for lunch and to my step class in California Fitness, Standard Chartered. As usual, if i do not have anything to do, i tend to get flashbacks.

Its so weird that the flashback i am getting is actually about this foot fetish i met last year. OK, to be frank with u guys, i love massages. What happened that day was, i was actually online looking for sex on a saturday night(i am still single that time). Then i received a message stating something like "Sir, i can lick your feet and u can ask me to do anything you want" , " I am looking for a master to torture me" , "i am help polish your shoes with my tongue and massage your feet with my mouth" ..something like this. I was like "INTERESTING" . I never bother to look at his pics coz my intention was clear...If he is cute, i am fucking him. Else, you will just need to massage my feet. At the same time, as uncomfortable as i was that time, i want to bring out the beast in me. :P

He arrived about 9pm...i looked at him. I was not even going to touch him. He looks below average, but i am ok with that. Its just that, he is this low self esteem guy, dress badly and doesnt have much personality(he is 27). I wasnt that excited, but i am just curious to see what will happen. I let him in. His first question to me is " Where is all your shoes?" . I pass it to him, he smelled it. His eyes brighten and said " I LOVES your smell" . Well, its a compliment anyway! .

We proceed to my room with my shoes. He called me master and asked me if i have any orders. Being clueless on how to handle this (its even harder when u are not turned on by him) , i just said, just massage my feet. So, i lie down with him at the foot of the bed. He is good!. Then i started feeling a tingling and moist sensation. OMG, he licked and put my feet into his mouth. Trust me, this is the best foot massage ever.

After 20 minutes of massaging, he kneeled and beg me (just like slave) to see if he can suck and touch my cock. Well, no one ever kneeled any beg for my cock.OK fine, You earned this cock. He sucked and massage my balls. It was one of the most intense and best bj i received in a while. I tried to hold my cum but i lost the battle in 5 minutes. I cum, he swallow it, thanked me (???). We cleaned up and he left.

I didnt get the beast out of me, but it is one of the best and weirdest experience i had in a while. He came and polish me once a week for the next 3 weeks until my bf J, came into my life.

Cutting ties

Thanks to one of my openly gay friend, AT, most of my friends already started shutting me down. Right now, i just hate AT. He thinks by he being openly gay, he can make the decision for me and go ahead and tell my straight friends about my sexuality. AT, i am damn pissed off with you. You and your big mouth cant seems to shut up. I regret that i trusted you.

Ok..wanna look at the chain reaction from his actions?? This is one of the message i received from my straight friends, AD yesterday :
AD: u can't put through
AD: only got arse hole to put through
AD: he is a good boy
AD: he is not a gay
AD: u r
AD: then good for u
AD: i believe, gays should have equal rights too
AD: unfortunately, malaysia can't accept your behaviour
Me: i will be removing u from my contacts if its u typing all these...if not...do let me know

I am speechless after reading the message. Well, moving on, i am not going to apologize to anyone or giving any explaination. Accept me as who i am or FUCK OFF. Whoever felt like what AD felt, i am cutting ties with you right away. Cheers. Life goes on.

Heart Melting

One of my close friend, MT send me an email today telling me her usual sexcapade with all the white people working in Malaysia. She seems to be able to get laid by those rich fellas at least once a month (she only fucks white guys) I find her latest story a bit heart melting. She used to said "I am waiting for my right guy to come, meanwhile i am having fun with the wrong one" .
OK back to the story, she met this guy (LL, a 37 y.o. dutch) thru one of her old fuck (director of a oil company) in Chinoz. She never expected sex. Long story short, they fucked. Since that night, LL has been head over heels towards MT. Based on my conversation with MT, he is such a gentlemen, sweet talker and worst of all, he sounded so sincere. MT just expecting it to be a one night stand, but he kept calling and texting. This is LL's latest email to MT:

"MT, I really like you and I feel blessed that I met you, I never want to loose you because I have the feeling you’re the best what ever happened to me. I felt in love before but I never felt as strong about it as I do with you now. I really hope that it will workout between the two of us (I know it will workout, I’ll make it work!). Only thing I’m afraid of is that I come on to strong to you and that I’ll scare you away so please tell me if/when there’s anything that bothers you and be aware that feelings for you are sincere"

Isn that sweet?? I believe her when she tell me that his obsession is not for a re-fuck. I can really felt LL's sincerity. Now MT is in dilemma, to choose her american, 25yo bf, G (they are having long distance relationship and he is just starting his career) vs 37 yo, LL (freaking rich, nice and gentlemen) . Hmmm...i promise to not have any influence in her decision. (i am lucky if she choose the rich one hehe)

Horny Child

Just when i thought that this blog is going to be discontinued again by myself, i have to start it back again. I just started my new job as Asst Mgr, and i have to wait for 2 weeks b4 i am assigned a task. So, decided to revisit this blog.

It has always been me....on why i never write past than 3-4 post. I started a diary once (which also lasted for 2 week) when i was about 11 years old. It is suprising on what i used to write about. My childhood dreams of becoming an actor and mostly on my fantasy on BOYS! Thats the age when i started to jerk off at the Thai male models in the magazines. Why thai models? OK, those magazines belongs to my Thai maid. I will sneak into her room, take the magazines and lock myself in the room. She always suspected something. When she asked me why i lock myself..i just said i want privacy( which is very true). At times, i ended up shooting my loads all over the pages and i just wipe it away. Sorry Kakak.
At that age , i just get so high with those images that sometime i just ejaculate after a few strokes. Of coz its different now. Its just so funny sometimes remembering those childhood moments. :)

Work from my laptop

If u asked me what whould be my ideal job....i will said working from my laptop....you know...wake up about 10am everyday, have breakfast in starbucks, shop, and then online, partying and then sleep...and still earning my money..

one thing i know is people loves to listen to my stories, what happened in my life so far, i am a people person...but only for people who knows me well...i am not really a social person. i dun approach people or make new friends easily. I am just shy and have low self belief.

Anyways, if people loves to listen to me....i guess by blogging about my life isn't a bad idea to start working online. I have started my own ebay account...i planned to sell off all my junks.

I have lots of huge ideas coming but fuck...why is the first step always the hardest? Afraid to win?

I am 26 now and i am running out of time.... while walking home from the lrt station today, i just started thinking of those parents who actually lived their dreams through their kids. You know, a soccer player whonever make it big because he didnt train hard enough , ended up too late to achieve his dreams..so, he get his kids to attend football classes, and pushed them hard as how he would push himself if he could turn back time to when he was younger. I do not want to be like those people.....

I will make it!

Hi again

Just after i posted this my sad and depressed article...i came across this article from one of my buddies. Its all about taking actions......i take that as a message from god...if god is okay with me being gay..
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The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze. "Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..." "No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. "I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me. After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know." As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success.

You have to laugh and find humor every day.

You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty -seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets." She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose" She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be. When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it! These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE. REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get,
We make a Life by what we give. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

Depressed

I am not sitting in my room, its cloudy outside, i can hear thunder. It is a bit dark and dim in my room now. I am now jobless as well, just quit my telesales job 2 days ago. Everything seems like a perfect recipe for depression.

Every aspect of my life is not doing fine. I am now 26 and my career is still unstable. i have a house, insurance and gym membership to pay. Please take note that i am not a useless person or whatsoever..well i am .. :( . I have been working in Petronas for the past 2.5 years....pay is good, bonus is great and i have all the time i want....but its just not good enough for me. I want challenge, i want something that uses my brain power (well, thats my strenght) . So, i decided to quit petronas after some arguement with my boss. So, there goes my journey into "THE REAL WORLD" outside. I am giving myself credit for taking the risk btw. Tried to apply for some IT jobs, but with a chemical engineering degree, no one is willing to give me that chance despite my strong interest. Thats when i desperately apply for my telesales job and guess what i am rocking it. I earned my big money, once in a while la, if sales is good. To cut the story short, i got tired of the whole picking up phone from 8-5 and also having bosses breathing down my neck every friday. So, thats it...I am now a househusband to bf (J).

Thats just my career. Now my appearance. Trust me when i say i am good looking. I know i am...BUT, i dun get that much attention that i wanted to have! Thats just so gay. I am so overweight, i dun dress well, i hate shaving. that really works against my confidence. I avoid making frens in the gym, i sit at one corner in the clubs, i fear the dancefloor and i am dun shop anymore.

Its been a 1 year and half since we started but i felt like we have been in a relationship for 20years with 3 kids. No more sex life, we dun chat that much anymore...I have never been so lonely and depressed in my life.

Well, it might sound weird but i say the weather has a lot to do with the tone of this blog....I will return when the day is sunny...expect lots of smiley face.